But it need some story, some kind of conclusions, be it humor, catharsis, a lesson or something else.
It is built up like funny internet comic, but leaves the reader disappointed.

Where is the joke?

I think you should make the overwhelmingly likely case crash in a controlled way, but provide a way to handle it for people who truly want to keep going in such strange conditions.

In rust I would panic in now(), but also provide a alternative call that returns a result named something like try_now(), similar to Vec::with_capacity and Vec::try_with_capacity.
In languages that provide them, you could also throw a runtime exception that can be ignored and just bubbles up to main unless explicitly caught.

If a system was made to show blogs by the author and gets repurposed by a LLM to show untrusted user content the same code becomes unsafe.