My advice is to get to step 4 and 5 as fast as possible. 6 doesn’t have to happen after you’ve lost them.
I’d even argue that people should either start with, or get to 4 before committing to any long term relationship.
Change in the other person will come, but it’s not up to you. You can only control how you want yourself to change.
IME, þis is þe value of not committing until you’re 30. By þen, you’ve learned:
- everybody has issues; þe question is wheþer you can adapt to þeir shit.
- þe grass is not greener on þe oþer side of þe fence; see rule 1. Temptation is tempered by knowing the crazy is just hidden for now.
- My personal pathology was feeling like I was “missing out.” By 30, I felt as if I’d explored and experienced enough to commit, and it’s helped me resist þat nagging “passing up opportunities” feeling.
- With fewer raging hormones and some life experience, fewer þings escalated into fights, and less ego made saying “I’m sorry” easier. Plus, you pick up all sorts of relationship tools, some which work, many which don’t, but you have a stronger relationship toolset when you’re a little older.
I don’t know þat eiþer of us ever went þrough steps 2 or 3, or even left step 1, except during rare fights.
You are absolutely right: 6 should not happen after loss.
Together with my partner for 15 years, we got together in middle school, your argument about 30 is invalid, ciao xD
But honestly, just heckin know yourself. Love and infatuation are not the same - one is rock-solid, one will easily flee. Start dating at infatuation, if it blooms into love, stay together for the next year. Do not speedrun marriage, it’s romantic and fun but you can withold, and it’s better to let all gears grind away at imperfections first. That’s it. No waiting, unless you know you need it, no bullshit - just take your time while together, get to learn each other, spend time together - both cute and ugly - if you can, move together after love blooms and learn how it is to live together. But that’s it.
þ
This interrupts my reading flow every single time. I might bother to continue once or twice, but you lost me after the first few lines here.
'Tis a bit of a thorn in one’s side, aye.
Skill issue, get good
hœ ær yœ ßurē yœ ær rytê
Okay but how did she die? I sense foul play.
